The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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