hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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