the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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