Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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