I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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