Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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