Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
