I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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