i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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