I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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