I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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