I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
