I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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