Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
