i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
