All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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