Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
