i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize