Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
They have beer where we have blood.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
