So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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