Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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