In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
