today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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