Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
