If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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