I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
time to smoke my breakfast
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
