Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
