Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's never too late to be topless.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
