It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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