i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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