I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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