I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
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today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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