Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
