Got a toothbrush?
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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