There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
