I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
