You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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