oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
