the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
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I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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