i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
