who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
