she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
