No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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