hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
