the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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