I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
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i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
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you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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