God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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