i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
