i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
