so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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