its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You may now shotgun with the bride
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
