what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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