I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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