its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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