Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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