How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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