Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
